The ‘Individual Integrity’ Mother

INTJ (Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Judging)

“My kids are better off arguing their own point of view than telling me, ‘But everyone else is doing it.'”
Individualistic and independent, the INTJ mother is both a role model and teacher of how to be an individual and live life with integrity. She is introspective, defining her own success from within, and generally confident in her decisions. She is unlikely to be persuaded by her children saying, “But all the othermothers are doing it.”

The INTJ is competent in providing for her children’s basic needs, but she is likely more focused on developing their self-esteem and confidence. Observant and insightful, she puts great importance on independent thinking and self-sufficiency, yet she is comfortable providing protection and boundaries.

Self-motivated and intense, the INTJ works hard and takes life seriously. As a mother, she lives for those moments when she can impart knowledge and offer her children perspectives on life and important issues.

It is essential for the INTJ mother to have some work or project to call her own. Volunteer responsibilities and paid employment (full- or part-time) can meet her need for mental stimulation, adult conversation, time to concentrate, and a worthy goal to achieve.
The INTJ mother may need more time alone away from her children than many other mothers. To be her best self, the INTJmust nurture her introspection and analysis—both of which require time and space. Being physically and emotionally available to her children needs to be balanced with time for her to think, read, or listen to the silence. A walk alone, a visit to the library, or a self-improvement class are ways to renew her energy for mothering.

Non-conformity. The INTJ mother follows the beat of her own drum and is able to support a child who is different from the crowd. She respects each one’s individuality, encouraging him or her to “think for yourself” and “act on your own beliefs.” Because of her non-conformity and inner drive, she may break stereotypes and provide her children with a role model of what a non-traditional woman can be.
Thoughtfulness. A natural teacher, the INTJ mother is intellectually concerned with addressing the complexities inherent in a child’s everyday life. She accepts very few situations at face value, lifting the day-to-day to a higher level of importance and meaning. In discussing the broad lessons of life, she is respectful of a child’s questions and reasoning.
Expecting those around her to do their best. The INTJ motherlives with high standards, encouraging self-motivation and improvement… from herself and others. She expects her children to stretch themselves, accept the challenges of life, and do their best despite obstacles along the way.
Commitment. Because she takes life seriously, the INTJ motheroften chooses an issue, job, or project to which she fully and tirelessly commits herself. Her children may catch the spirit and learn the meaning of persistence as they watch her persevere.

Noise and confusion of family life. The INTJ mother is drained by much of the hubbub of raising children: intrusions, noise, bickering, chatter, messes, and disorder. She may find it difficult to relate to several children at once, preferring instead some one-on-one time with each child.
Mothering confidence. Despite her commitment to doing the job of mothering right, the INTJ mother may struggle with not feeling like a “natural” mother. Believing she is different from other mothers, she may feel inadequate if she compares herself to more domestic mothers who have a house full of homey nick-knacks and daughters with bows and braids.
Leading a balanced life. The INTJ mother may find it difficult to strike the right balance between her “accomplishment self” and “mother self.” Wanting to tackle any responsibility with 100% effort, she may wonder where to put her focus and energy—sometimes she ignores her own competency needs for the sake of the family and sometimes she feels alienated from her children because she’s so involved in a project.


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